What would you do if you believed in yourself?

Recently, I’ve realized that I didn’t really believe in myself for a lot of my life. If you had asked me, I would have said that, of course I believed in myself. I did well in school and at the various places I worked. I had a lot of adventures living and working in China for four years, first as a young mother with my late husband and our son, and later, as a single parent when our son was 11. A couple of years ago, I left a stable, long-term career in higher education to start my own practice as an energy healer, sound healer, and clutter coach. I wouldn’t have been able to do any of that without believing in myself.

Yet, I can see that I didn’t really believe in myself the way I do now.  I feel more comfortable being seen and expressing myself. I’ve found my voice and my creativity has returned.  I’m writing a book about decluttering as a process of self-development, writing poetry, blog posts, being interviewed on podcasts. But the way I know that I truly believe in myself is that I’m creating art again.

As a child, I was constantly drawing and painting. Flowers, birds, trees, mermaids under the sea. I didn’t worry about it looking a certain way or compare myself to others. I created art for the joy of it. I took art classes in high school and majored in art in college. College was when I began to shut down my creativity, lost my belief in myself as an artist. I started comparing myself to the other art students. Everyone around me seemed to be a better artist than I was. After graduation, I stopped creating art almost completely. Over the next 40 years, I only created about five or six pieces of art. I bought art supplies several times over the years, but they just sat in a drawer, and I finally donated them to the art department at a local university.

Over the past few years, I’ve done a lot of self-development work. I’ve become more comfortable expressing myself again. I knew I’d finally gotten rid of the belief that I wasn’t a good artist when I started imagining painting again.

About a year ago, I bought some canvas and paints and finally sat down to paint. I felt guided to create abstract art, something completely new for me. It was very freeing. I wasn’t deciding what to paint or where to place the brush strokes. The brush knew where to go. There were still some moments when I would look at what I had painted and wonder if I should redo it. Almost every time, I heard a little voice in my head saying that it was ok just the way it was, even if it wasn’t perfect. I needed to learn not to be so critical of my work and just enjoy creating something.

What would you do with your life if you believed in yourself?  Can you take a risk and do something you love even if it’s not perfect? Yes, there will be people out there who criticize. But there will also be people who delight in seeing your joy and enthusiasm for life, who are inspired by your choices.

So get out there and paint that painting, write that novel, change careers, move to another country. Watch your life expand even more. Do it for you. Do it for all the people watching to show it can be done.  That it’s safe for them to take a risk, too. The world needs you to shine your light.